#i'm cursed and there's not nearly enough positive to outweigh all of the bad for anyone
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i really can't keep going and keep myself alive on my own, but i think i'm always going to be alone
#i'm really just at an impasse because how am i supposed to live alone and function and keep myself alive?#i just don't think that i'm capable of doing it alone but i'm always going to be#i don't have anyone and i never will#i can't really blame people#who wants some broken and useless barely functional mess in their lives?#who wants to deal with me always falling apart and always going through another disaster?#i'm cursed and there's not nearly enough positive to outweigh all of the bad for anyone#on the rare occasion that i make a friend i inevitably become too much#i'm too damaged and i needy#no matter how hard i try to hold myself together it's never enough for someone to love me#and i'm just so tired#i'm only 26 how am i supposed to endure a lifetime of this#sometimes it's all i can do to get myself out of bed in the morning#what's the point of being diagnosed as autistic if you still don't have any support?#nevermind the crippling depression and anxiety that's currently going untreated#i'm so horribly lonely and existing is so difficult#it doesn't even seem like it's worth it#and my life is never going to get easier because i'm never going to have any help or support or guidance to get through anything#i just... don't know what i'm supposed to do anymore#it's not supposed to be like this is it?#sorry i need to dump before i scream#my day was fine but i'm exhausted and now i've come home and everything is falling apart and i'm spiraling#vent post
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